To The Man Who Abandoned My Daughter

To the man who refused to be a father to my child, I want you to know that it’s your loss.  Not only did you walk away when she was just a baby, but you chose your other children over her time and time again.  I want you to know that your rejection has only made her a better person.

For years, I tried to foster a relationship between father & daughter, but you always disappointed her.  You made promises that you never intended to keep.  You blamed me for your failures and for your lack of care you had for your daughter.  When you had your sons, you ignored your first born simply because I was her mother.  Your rejection caused her to feel loneliness, despair and, at times, less-than everyone else in her life.  Do you even care?  Did you ever care?

Sometimes I wonder how I could have been so naïve and so careless to have made a union with you.  My only saving grace was that I was never stupid enough to have married you.  I was not stupid enough to allow you to continue to abuse me emotionally, physically and verbally.  You were a disease to my soul and you never should have been given the gift of a daughter by me.  But the Goddess & God whom I have come to know thought that I deserved to be a mother.  Perhaps it was the greatest gift I could have ever received.  I only wish that you had not been the one to give me this gift.

As she gets closer to becoming an adult, I marvel at the way she has overcome your rejection.  I am proud each and every day at how she has been able to forget you and how she has embraced the love of her stepfather.  He is her dad.  He is the one who has been in her life since was 18 months old.  He has raised her beside me for nearly 16 years.  He is the one who has shown her what a real father is and how a real father cares for his children.  Not you. 

I hope that you are happy with your decision to walk away all those years ago.  I hope that you will one day see all that you missed by being the kind of person who thought that a child was disposable simply because you no longer “liked” her mother.  I hope that you have found comfort in signing over your parental rights so that her REAL DAD could adopt her.  I know that she has.  She has all but forgotten you.  You will never have that chance to watch her graduate from high school or college.  You will never have the chance to see her build a career or a life for herself.  You won’t be the one to walk her down the aisle and you won’t ever know any grandchildren by her.  Those thoughts calm my heart.  The fact that I have raised a smart, beautiful, kind-hearted and ambitious young woman without any help or influence from you make me happier than you will ever comprehend.

 

To the man who abandoned his first-born child and decided that she was not worth it, one day you will regret your decisions.  That, alone, gives me the strength the forgive and move on.