It's an Underactive Thyroid!

I am perhaps the very worst "blogger" ever.  It has been way too long since I took time to sit back and share my thoughts with all of you.  I don't even remember what was happening the last time I posted. Blogging is supposed to be my way of sharing my life with the world, and in true "CeCe" style, I gave up when it became hard.  That seems to have been the theme throughout many things in my life over the last 10-15 years.  I didn't used to be that way though.  I used to be one of those people who when they started something, they didn't stop until it was finished.  But not anymore. 

As you all know, life keeps moving on - one day at a time - in a wave of ups and downs.  My life is like that.  There have been times over the last year or so that I wasn't sure what was going to happen from day to day and over the last year I have been struggling with many things.  One of the biggest issues has been my health  I don't want to bore everyone today with all of the boring details of the last 10 years, but I will say that, for me, my health has progressively declined.  The worst decline began after my open heart surgery in 2010.  But the last 12 months have been absolutely horrible for me. 

All  I wanted was answers to why I was feeling the way that I was and why I had no energy at all to do the things I needed to do, much less achieve the tasks that I wanted to do.  Two months ago I finally got the answers that I had been searching for.  The problem?  An Underactive Thyroid.  A chronic, treatable, but not curable, disorder that I will have to for the rest of my life. 

After getting the diagnosis I was relieved but terrified.  What does this mean for my life going forward?  Does this mean that I will never be able to live a normal existance again?  Will this get worse?  What does it mean for my family?  My PCP could only answer those questions in general terms.  You know how medical professionals are.  They are so worried about saying something wrong and being sued that they won't give you a straight answer when you start asking quesions about your prognosis.  So what does any normal obsessive neurotic personality like me do?  Start searching the web for any and all information available about the disorder - and it is a disorder.  It's one of those non-visible illnesses that wreck havoc on your body and your life, but everyone around you doesn't believe you are sick.

For a long time I was accused of being a hypochondriac because I had all these "symptoms" but every blood test, every procedure, every exam that I had from 2002 until March 2015 came back "normal".  Doctor after doctor - specialist after specialist.  They all said the same thing - "There is nothing wrong.  Everything is normal.  Maybe you should just lose weight."  And I was one of those people that the harder I tried to lose weight, the more I gained.  At one point I was down to 800 calories a day.  I ate 4 small meals of 200 calories a piece, but I still was gaining.  So then I was told "You have to eat to lose."  I went to a 1500-2000 calorie a day diet; diligently keeping track of each and every thing that went into my body.  Still, I continued to gain.

So, April 1, 2015 was the medical day of my life, yet it was also the worst.  I have had to start to learn about things like TSH, Free T4 and Free T3.  I also now pay attention to signs of Adrenal Fatigue and Pituitary Gland malfunction.  At 38 years old, I don't want to have a lifelong condition that is going to keep me on medication for the rest of my life; but this is my new reality.

The ironic thing is that I have been trying to figure out what it is that I want my blog to be about.  Now I have my subject - Me.  Hopefully I will be able to share my experiences so that it could help someone else.