I didn’t want to put all of this out in public but after an episode that occurred Friday night in a very public way, my heart is telling me that I need to reach out because my situation might help someone else. ⚠️ Warning ⚠️ this could be a long post but I need to share my truth.
As I think by now, everyone associated with me or many of my family members knows a little over 18 months ago I had open heart surgery (OHS) which left me under anesthesia for nearly 5 weeks. I don’t know the medical determination of it, but I call it a medically induced coma because I was on a ton of machines and at one point had approximately 25 different medications & fluids being pumped in to me. What most people don’t know is that at one point during the period in which I was anesthetized the medical team feared that I had a stroke during or shortly following surgery…after all I wasn’t waking & I had been on bypass for several hours during the 9 hour surgery. However, there was no indication of a stroke on the brain 🧠scans. After I came out of my 5 week ‘nap’, I had muscle loss & atrophy in my arms & legs which caused difficulty with walking, writing, eating, drinking etc. I completed occupational & physical therapy to be able to walk, eat, drink, and perform daily tasks like writing and cooking, etc. While that part of my recovery seemed to progress rapidly, I haven’t been the same. There are small deficits that everyone, except me, don’t even realize exist.
Prior to the surgery, I had already been battling what I call “silent” diseases because unless I told you I had them you usually wouldn’t ever know. They were Hashimoto’s (an autoimmune thyroid disease that caused excessive weight gain & inability to lose the amount of weight I should’ve after having weight loss surgery in 2015), Severe Depression (including Seasonal Affective Disorder & a preoccupation with death in general…not necessarily suicidal ideation but I did believe that I was ready to just die in my sleep), Severe Generalized Anxiety with social phobias (probably the worst type of anxiety a person can have) and a suspected diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.
I don’t bring up all of my “diagnoses” get sympathy from anybody and I don’t expect hands of any kind. I just want to share my experiences in hopes of helping someone else. With that said, I can add at least one more health condition to the list of things that probably could have been prevented if I had just taken better care of myself.
I have been experiencing episodes of dizziness, nausea, impaired vision, sudden & heavy sweating. They come on very suddenly and cause me to feel as though I’m being tossed around on a little boat in the ocean. When the dizziness hits me, I’m unable to move or do anything except drink really cold water and sit very still with head tilted back and eyes closed. The nausea is the worst nausea I’ve ever experienced…even worse than pregnancy sickness.
The episodes can last a few minutes or even hours. The longest one having been this past Friday. They appear to be getting longer in terms of time frame but the symptoms are becoming more severe & bothersome.
The ironic part of the episode that happened on Friday is that I had just seen a neurology Nurse Practitioner that afternoon to discuss what had been happening. She believes that I have a type of migraine that affects the neurological response of body. These headaches cause a vertigo that is so bad that it can be temporarily debilitating. However, because I have other symptoms like chronic pain in my neck and left shoulder, she is concerned there may be more going on. I have a moderate amount of strength loss to my left arm, hand and leg.
This of course comes with a bunch of tests…a brain MRI, another neck MRI, a sleep study and a hearing test. I also have an appointment with a pain management doctor. The next couple of months will be stressful.
I can’t help but wonder if I brought all of this on myself for the choices I’ve made throughout my life. I’m 46 years old and I am taking more medications than my 75 year old mother. It is scary and frustrating.
I am usually someone who keeps the details of my life somewhat private. While I will share some information with others, I never have shared everything all together…and certainly not like this. This is a huge step for me.
I live with a lot of fears deep inside but I manage to put a smile on my face (somewhat) and push through trying to make people believe I have it altogether when in reality I’m falling apart. I have a feeling that there are other people who are doing the same thing. It makes me wonder why some of us don’t like to or feel comfortable enough to share our truths; our reality.
